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我不知道自己什么时候把爱情看得那么悲哀
认定婚姻也不是幸福的终结篇
每个人男人就算有了伴侣，是一定会出轨的？
很多男人给我“肯定的”的答案
Sad to say，那么爱情的定义是什么？
那么爱一个人的方式又是什么？
还是心里可以爱着一个人，而身体还是可以接受另外一个人？
心和身体，真的是分开的吗？
我跟他，还是不想踏出那一步。
我很喜欢他在身边的感觉
我们可以很轻松的在一起
可是，一旦给了承诺
关系就会不一样，要求也会不一样
感觉，还会一样吗？
抱歉，我还是很畏惧再踏入新恋情
有时，知己真的比情人来得更可贵
不是吗？
至少，没有太多无所谓的顾虑，
没有太多想念和痛苦，
爱情，毕竟是甜蜜和痛苦的结合
我，我的心还在痊愈中，
伤口一碰，还是会痛，
我想我还不想再次痛苦
很抱歉我对爱情悲观的想法
很抱歉我还没有勇气好好去爱一个人
我想，我只想喜欢一个人的陪伴，来填满我的空虚寂寞就好
这个城市华灯初夏，我不想又有两个人悲剧散场
分开拥抱就各奔一方。。
还是，只是因为我还没有找到可以解开我的心结的那个人
还是，有谁可以告诉我，为什么你们能够好好地爱着？
我需要答案。。。
I am happy that i found you..
you light up my days of darkness...
i am happy everytime you with me....
We went Friday restaurant@ the Curve to get some beer..
He is so bad.. He told that bartender we left 3 kids to nanny and came out for drink. Because it has been really long time for us never date again.. when i heard it, i really laugh out. He continue.. " She doesn't look like a mother with 3 kids right? thanks god.. she only gained a little weight after she gave birth.." lolZZ!! shit!! this fella!! dare to say my bad thing to a stranger!! That bartender said he really think that we are lovely husbang & wife. wahahahaha.. the time we leaving. i said " oh father, it's time for us to go back home and see how our kids are." " oh yes mother. let's go." the bartender look at us, and said goodbye with a smile. my god.. sometimes.. it's good to have role play right? ^^
Do you ever found someone u like within one week? I like a guy recently.. i enjoy the feeling together with him.. i like the way he smile and act bossy to me.. calling me his dear driver.. hehe..
I met him in my work place.. From the start, he keep showing me the bossy face.. i really didnt know how to handle him.. but my good friend Ally told me.. just hide ur bad temper, be a blur and silly girl to him.. then he will accept u.. end up, she was right. he is so close with me.. hehe
That day, i sat beside him, the way he playing piano.. really look so cute and attractive.. hehe..
the feeling towards him is not for anything.. just.. appears naturally.. i love the feeling.. at least, we never try to pretend and protect ourselves anymore.. the smile comes out from the bottom of heart.. that day he acted like a big boy and said he wan hear some stories before sleep, i really .. hahahaha.. since when i like a boy but not man anymore?
I found he like to being together with me too, i am happy.. at least he keep telling me hey, let's go something together.. is good! at least he willing to spend his time with me.. guess he has seduced by me.. hahahhahaaa.. some of u must think that i am crazy but no.. he told me he miss me.. he always date me out by using a lame excuse :" you're my driver what.. even i drive, u also can stand by first okie? be good.. naughty girl!" hahaha
Gosh... love begins to mend my long broken heart...
That day i met him.. too long nv meet, so .. it is quite.. undescribable feeling...
we talked.. and had some drink.. suddenly he told me that he actually miss me so much..
i couldn't control my tears, i do miss him so much too. but both of us understand , past is past, there is nothing we can do anymore.. but thanks, because at least i can miss someone i love deeply when i alone.. because of him, i changed a lot. At least i got the guts to have my further studies again.. and i want to prove him i really can do it well..
Quite busy recently.. just attended a wedding dinner and a birthday party..
and this coming saturday i will attend a wedding dinner too.. in the early morning i have to be one of "buddies" and go to bride's home with gown, my dude. i will share the photos of that day here next week then..
Sometime i found i am quite bad also.. i never care about ppl feelings and what they think and need, i just dun wan ppl expect everything from me, i will give if i willing to, but i definitely wun if i dun. Don't force! So, even someone think that i am bossy and over-protective, never have more feelings than a friend on him, so what...? since we are not suitable , so i won't spend my time anymore on him even to be a friend, because i really don't change myself to suit everyone, it is too tiring. I rather be myself and get someone who can suit me, and i suit them too, the relationship will be much different. Understanding is such important between the connections of human.
And, what he meant that i am bossy because i dun listen to him all the time, i got my pride and my mind, why should i follow him all the time?? since he just someone who wan make me become his but not someone who really comes to me sincerely.. i am not ur doggy okie? i am not that faithful to you. and i won't too. because you should be ashamed as still wan to have flirt with another woman since you're married. You take women as your toys, but i am not stupid and silly. Why should i waste my time on a married man?? want me to be a bad woman and spoil ppl's marridage?? hey, nonsense... impossible... i won't accept to share my man with someone else. So, i won't be a third party also.
So, go ahead, dun need try to show off that who is being together with you now, i dun care at all. I only have someone in my heart, and you dun stand any place at all.. oh ya, i will still say hello to you and smile, no worries, i never let you down so i dun need to avoid you.. but, seriously i feel pity of the woman who being together with you.. what a bad taste they have and have to bear everything of you..
Wow, happy that i can just type out everything on mind here... release my anger!!! yes!!!
我的电话又被我不小心掉在地上跌爆screen了啦！！
又要花钱去修理，不是第一次来。。
为什么我就是那么粗鲁啦。。
哎哟。。。哭
下个礼拜开始就可以和妈妈好好去旅行了也～
开心！！
我终于可以好好休息了。。
好好充电一下才行
不然我真的会累垮。。
bangkok， i'm coming～～
最近一直很想念一个人。
我的生命中出现过很重要的那么一个人。
但是后来我才发现，我曾经那么爱他，爱得那么刻苦铭心
变得爱在人群中期待和他相遇，爱在人群中寻找他的影踪
有没有一个人也让你那样一直怀念着和他一起的日子
甜蜜的画面一直重复在脑海里？
我睡着了。。他抱着我上床，帮我盖被
我饿了，他带我去吃我喜欢吃的东西，为了让我有好心情
我生气撒娇了，他哄着我，宝贝～～
我病了，他买雪糕给我，说发烧吃雪糕会很快好的
我使坏，他笑着捏我的脸，骂我小鬼
我生日，他悄悄安排惊喜，让我幸福的哭了
我哭了，他紧紧地抱着我，从后拿出绿玫瑰。。
他，就是那样宠坏我，那样爱护我。
我，真的很想念他。。
似乎没有人可以取代他在心中的位置
连最后我还要骗他我过得很开心，不想让他担心。。
虽然选择分开，但是至少这样我们会好过一些
他说。。他跟我很像。。
这一世不能在一起，
希望下一世可以再续情缘
是这样吗？真的吗？
我不知道。。谁也不会知道。。
但是。。
我还是很想念他。
Today i had dinner with my friends..
We cook ourselves.. ^^
no bad la~ just a simple dinner for three singles ^^
but my good friend Ally is damn cute..
i lose control and laugh loudly too.. almost vomit out all the foods i ate.
here we go! crazy for sunday night~~
最近天气真的很不好，整个人都无精打采，很累的样子。。
那天不舒服，竟然很像小女孩闹情绪哭了起来。
人 病了，就是那么不知所措。
我其实不喜欢一个人的日子
可是明白自己更加不喜欢挂念另一个人的日子
思念，总是那么深那么远
我大概很久，都没有这种感觉
所以，不想自己又那么轻易挂念着谁
用白天 用黑夜 用思念
去拥有谁。。
因为自己其实不是掩饰中的那么好，
其实我没有那么坚强
很多时候，都在强硬地掩护着自己的脆弱
日子久了，也变得那么有距离感
因为我的自卑，因为我的软弱
我没有选择地余地，
只有不顾一切为保卫自己的世界
对不起。。
真的对不起。。
如果我在你心目中
是那么冷淡，是那么遥远，是那么捉摸不透，
只是因为我的心，真的，没有办法一再重演那些伤悲。。
最近用钱用到自己都怕，很想喊穷，但是还是要想办法增加收入，朋友在跟我谈在新山开分店的事情，哎哟。。又要注资。。我还真的要抓头了。。因为最少要准备50～60 千。。
Honda出了新版civic，很漂亮哦，旧版的我都已经很喜欢了，把旧车卖掉，大概可以给超过20%的头期，但是又要开始供期，千多块。。啊。。我真的要省钱省钱省钱~~~ 干脆就存多一点钱给头期，就不用供那么辛苦了，好～ 换车的事可以设定为今年为自己准备的生日礼物，还有半年时间～ yeah～
昨晚喝朋友喝酒才知道一件事。世界上无聊的人，幼稚的人还真多。我现在才知道在别人的眼中我是那么有利用价值，可以因为我认识很多人，对事业有用，而觉得不能给我翻脸，一定要维持良好关系，这样我才会关照她们。然后还要合演一场戏，按着良心讲动听的话来瞒骗我。好无聊，有这样想法的人，还真的很恐怖。。真的很恐怖。。 什么时候人与人之间的关系，竟然只剩下互相利用的空间而已？！也罢，反正我也没有需要每个人都能可以很喜欢我，真正的朋友，不是这样交的。但是，我不会去拆穿她们，反倒会为她们觉得可怜，因为戴着面具做人，真的不容易，也很辛苦，面对人时，心里有愧的感觉，我不稀罕。
搬来新家已经一个礼拜了，很喜欢这里，以前旧家旁边就是火车道，想想我每天七早八早被火车鸣声吵醒的折磨，这里不同，真的很安静，我已经很久没有一觉到天明了，感觉真好。不过就是很多家具还没有买，毕竟还是要货比商家。那天我在家里附近一家电器店看到toshiba的电视，标价rm4499，店员说给我优惠，rm4200，怎知道昨天去ikano best电器店，人家标价rm4199，还有送东西咧。。。所以说，还是不要急着买，慢慢看了再做决定的好。
嗯，真的要好好计划财务了，再这样挥霍下去，不是办法，毕竟以后的路还很长很远，还有很多路要走。。好啦。。加油加油～～
